I painted Matthew as a self-portrait for several reasons. There is a long tradition of concealed self-portraiture among Renaissance and Baroque artists; Caravaggio painted himself as both the young David and the beheaded Goliath, in just one example. But beyond this tradition, I was interested in the questions that faced Matthew, and what they meant for me as a painter. At the time, I wondered whether I painted because I enjoyed it, or rather because I enjoyed other hearing people tell me I was good at it.Was I developing my skill simply to impress people with it? The opposing motives of worldly prestige and painting for its own sake seemed analogous to St. Matthew's choice. In the course of my thesis, I was finally able to paint simply for the enjoyment of it, rather than the anticipated pleasure of other people's approval. I still struggle with the temptation to work for my own glorification, rather than the greater good of my own enjoyment, and the enjoyment of my audience. This painting is a reminder to myself to question my priorities and my motives.

The figure sitting to my left is a portrait of one of my oldest friends, Kendall. Originally, the figure's face was much less distinct; but as the painting developed, I began to wonder--who was that person sitting next to me at the coffee shop? This became the central question of the painting for me; I couldn't think about anything else when I looked at it, which was not my intention. When I made the sitter look distinctly like Kendall, I felt relieved, and free to concentrate on other matters of meaning in the painting.